Tag Archives: humor

Okay, an Autonomous Database is one that Wanders Off by Itself.

An odd Windows User Access Control error message.
Used without express permission from windowsinstructed.com

In a 2014 VoucherCloud.net (a coupon website) survey of the non-technical U.S. general public:

  • 11% believed HTML wss a sexually-transmitted disease
  • 51% believed a stormy weather condition would affect their access to the Cloud
  • 27% thought a gigabyte was a common insect in South America
  • 18% thought Blu-ray was a marine animal
  • 23% thought an MP3 was a Star Wars robot
  • 12% thought USB is the acronym for a European country
  • 42% said they believed a motherboard was “the deck of a cruise ship”
  • 77% could not identify what SEO means
  • 15% say software is comffortable clothing

However, 61% of the 2,392 respondents (18 and older) all thought it was important to have a good knowledge of technology.

That explains why in ZDNet’s Oracle’s Next Chapter: The Autonomous Database and the DBA (https://www.zdnet.com/article/oracles-next-chapter-the-autonomous-database-and-the-dba/) takes a bit of chewing to understand that when a vendor says “you’ll save $250K by moving to the Cloud,” that’s akin to someone saying, “You’ll save $40,000 by not buying a car, but renting it at $40/day from Hertz/Avis/Thrifty/Dollar.”

Well, yes, but not quite.  Rental agencies have those add-ons such as a Collision Damage Waiver, which can be thought of as the same as that 15% mandatory support fee needed on top of the core/sizing/machine-size fee, providing coverage in case something goes awry (or buggy, or BSOD’s for no known reason.)

And simply, if you stop paying, you don’t have a car/database/middleware/website.  If you do decide to opt for the rent-to-own option, just like the ubiquitous furniture rentals used by many seasoned relocation workers, doing so does cost much more than buying the furniture outright (but you don’t have to move it, and you get to turn it in, and trade-up or down when you wish, subject to the terms of your rental agreement.)

[Terms are important, as you will notice in the new Cloud On-Premise agreement, it does have a 4-year minimum term – similar to a limited term car lease.  And it comes with an early termination cost. And similarly it has “limited mileage” conditions, which if you go over your CPU/sizing/feature limits, you’ll simply be billed extra for that.  Convenience has costs.]

An autonomous database at this stage is similar to self-driving cars – given super-precise limitations, on a controlled environment, with well-defined conditions, yes, the Optimizer stays within the lanes and keeps the database engine humming along. Whence the odd situation is encountered, back to the driver/DBA to figure out what to-do and what went wrong.

The LA TImes article:
http://www.latimes.com/business/technology/la-fi-tn-1-10-americans-html-std-study-finds-20140304-story.html

The full VoucherCloud.net survey results:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9HJeR-F9NIeczNDb2hVb2p6UTQ/edit

In closing, in case you missed it, Japan created a banana with edible peels: https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/01/edible-peel-bananas-created-japan-food-spd/

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Social Media, Explained in Java (extended)

Coffee and Social Media Icons
https://www.behance.net/JenniferHudsonTaylor

The original entries:

Facebook: I like drinking coffee.

Twitter: I’m drinking coffee.

YouTube: Watch my cat drink coffee.

Instagram: Selfie: Me and my cat sipping coffee before I leave for school today.

Pinterest: How to make coffee.

LinkedIn:  Skills – Can make great coffee

And…my new ones:

Google+: +1 for drinking coffee

Japanese Twitter: ソーシャルメディアとコーヒー かわいい!

Vine: 2 second video loop: Sip of coffee

Line: _c(_)_ (=^?^=)

Yelp: 4-stars for coffee at my home (-1 star for having to make it myself)

Foursquare: Tip – coffee is better in a cup with a cat

Swarm: 20 others are drinking coffee here.

Myspace: 10 little known songs about coffee, plus Timberlake’s cover of F. Sinatra’s Coffee song

Reddit: I hate all people who drink coffee with cats (troll)

HuffPost: Why drinking coffee with your cat makes you live longer

Blogger/WordPress/Tumblr/LiveJournal/TypePad: My thoughts on drinking coffee with cats

Flipboard: A visual magazine dedicated to cats sitting next to coffee cups

te@achthought: How to get students to drink less coffee and pay more attention to their cats

Buffer: “The only escape from the miseries of life are music and cats…” (…and coffee)- Albert Schweitzer

About.me: Why I drink coffee

Bebo: #coffeeiskewl

delicio.us: The best sites for coffee

DeviantArt: a pop-art collage of cats sitting in coffee

AdWords: Save $1 at Starbucks and PetCo NOW!

Flickr: My collection of coffee pix

Influenster: Free sample of Folger’s MicroRoast for your review

Meetup: 5PM PT @ Jon’s Koffee Hut – open invite

eVite: Having a coffee party with my cat

Amazon.com: 3-stars. Bought this coffee – my cat hated it, but I loved it.

Top 10 Signs You’ve Been Working with Oracle Technology and Larry Ellison Too Long

–Note: Mr. Ellison is CEO of Oracle Corporation, the world’s foremost database, middleware and data appliance vendor, long-known for ability to facilitate deployment of massive applications which need unheard of expertise to ensure proper operation and stability (e.g. healthcare.gov)

10) You’re thinking about buying a Ferrari. But you need 15 of them. In black carbon fiber. And are hiring NZ Kiwis to drive them for you.

9) You’ve asked your local real estate broker to price the 6 houses on either side of yours to see how much it would cost to own your entire neighborhood.

8) You’ve just applied 100 sequential Windows Updates (each mentioning something non-specifically horrible will happen to Windows if don’t apply them) to your PC, some of which you had to fix and re-write, and rebooted each time in-between and don’t see any problem with that.

7) Your burger and fries order at McDonalds has a problem, but instead of talking to a manager, you want to go online and open a Sev 2.1 Service Request, with immediate cell phone call-back requested.

6) The new iPhone App you just purchased comes delivered on 100 DVD-ROM‘s, or downloadable digital archive images, and again, you don’t see an issue with that.

5) Your car stereo only has one song playing on infinite repeat: AC/DC’s Back in Black.

4) For some reason every article of clothing you wear has your company logo on it (including your undies), and you see that as completely normal.

3) That new food processor you bought for US$2000 keeps having bizarre breakdowns, but you’re pretty sure it will be fixed in next month’s firmware upgrade.

2) You seriously consider purchasing Ni’ihau (in the Hawaiian islands)

1) Your 13 year-old daughter helped her school create a complex summer school registration system, but you just smirk and snicker that she chose to host it using Microsoft SQLServer, and mutter about read-consistency and parallel block reads.

12c) You incessantly fixate on figuring out how that family potato farmer in western North Dakota could increase his crop yield, if he only used a database.