Top 10 Signs You’ve Been Working with Oracle Technology and Larry Ellison Too Long

–Note: Mr. Ellison is CEO of Oracle Corporation, the world’s foremost database, middleware and data appliance vendor, long-known for ability to facilitate deployment of massive applications which need unheard of expertise to ensure proper operation and stability (e.g. healthcare.gov)

10) You’re thinking about buying a Ferrari. But you need 15 of them. In black carbon fiber. And are hiring NZ Kiwis to drive them for you.

9) You’ve asked your local real estate broker to price the 6 houses on either side of yours to see how much it would cost to own your entire neighborhood.

8) You’ve just applied 100 sequential Windows Updates (each mentioning something non-specifically horrible will happen to Windows if don’t apply them) to your PC, some of which you had to fix and re-write, and rebooted each time in-between and don’t see any problem with that.

7) Your burger and fries order at McDonalds has a problem, but instead of talking to a manager, you want to go online and open a Sev 2.1 Service Request, with immediate cell phone call-back requested.

6) The new iPhone App you just purchased comes delivered on 100 DVD-ROM‘s, or downloadable digital archive images, and again, you don’t see an issue with that.

5) Your car stereo only has one song playing on infinite repeat: AC/DC’s Back in Black.

4) For some reason every article of clothing you wear has your company logo on it (including your undies), and you see that as completely normal.

3) That new food processor you bought for US$2000 keeps having bizarre breakdowns, but you’re pretty sure it will be fixed in next month’s firmware upgrade.

2) You seriously consider purchasing Ni’ihau (in the Hawaiian islands)

1) Your 13 year-old daughter helped her school create a complex summer school registration system, but you just smirk and snicker that she chose to host it using Microsoft SQLServer, and mutter about read-consistency and parallel block reads.

12c) You incessantly fixate on figuring out how that family potato farmer in western North Dakota could increase his crop yield, if he only used a database.

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